L3F1 MUSIC

Fred Kelly

Grizzly Bear Attack!: Do the Bear Dance

In the summer of 2009, my wife and I migrated out West to the state of Wyoming to spend three months working at slave labor wages in Yellowstone at one of the concessions. We moved into a dormitory with an unusual assortment of characters who had no idea what they were getting into. Most were students from various countries who had come to the US and Yellowstone for the first time. But there was one man I met there who had been coming to this place for over 30 years. He brought his children for many years, but by the time I met him, it was only he. I wondered often why he would work there for such little pay and what seemed like boring work in this remote place. But every day either before work or after or in between shifts, he donned his fishing shirt and dragged his waders off to some remote meadow or wooded area where he waltzed into the water to do one thing and one thing only. Fly fish for trout.

I started talking to him one day about this obsession he had with fishing every waking moment of his life. And at the same time, I began to wonder about the obsession everybody else in Yellowstone had when they walked anywhere during the day or ventured out at night to their tents, cabins, dorms, or bathrooms. I am talking about bears. No one can live or work or leisure in Yellowstone without thinking about bears.

So I asked him if he had ever run into a Grizzly. He said that he had fished in Yellowstone almost every day he had been there for well over 30 years and never once had a run in with a bear. Until one day. He was out in the middle of a river angling away when he happened to turn around. There, before his terror-stricken face was a 1500 pound Grizzly splashing through the water and bounding for him in an all out sprint with its mouth wide open. He said he nearly passed out.

Now if you just casually stroll through any concession in Yellowstone, you will shortly happen upon a variety of means that the Park provides to enable you to save yourself from being ripped to shreds by one of these carnivores. The defense falls into two categories. One is a SOUND, and the other is a WEAPON, albeit only a spray. The sound is a BELL. A BELL, I said. The Park urges people to carry something that sounds like a sleigh bell or a little leather ring of bells that jangle as you walk along the paths in the wild woods of Yellowstone. Apparently the bears have a high sense of hearing and will detect encroachment by humans at the sound of bells and will lead their young and themselves off and deeper into the rugged terrain. Now I got to thinking about this. Why wouldn't the bell also be the sound of dinner being served as if a cook took an iron bar and began to vigorously round it inside a huge triangle like he did in the Western movies and belted out a sing-song, "Coooommmme annnnnd geeeeeeeet iiittttttt?" As far as I am concerned, carrying a bell in Grizzly country would be about the same thing as arming yourself with a pencil. So I won't be one who sets off on a hike outfitted with a bell in the midst of Grizzly bears.

The other means of saving yourself is akin to the human equivalent of mace. You can buy yourself a can of what is called "Bear Spray," which is supposed to be 10x more powerful than pepper spray. You can even buy a nice little holster for it and wear it on your belt like a gun. One of these cans costs about $50. I have seen people load up with these things and head off into the woods with a couple cans, just in case. I think it says on the can that you have about 15 seconds of material in the can if you hold down the spray nozzle and make the really big and unfortunate mistake of unloading it all in one shot.

Okay, so the way this works is that you are stalking around Yellowstone and suddenly look up. You behold barreling down the path at about 35 miles per hour 1500 pounds of fur and teeth and claws like the kind found on Freddie Krueger in Nightmare On Elm Street, except that with one swipe a bear can disembowel you and tear your head off. Hopefully you have already read the directions on the can several times and are not given to panic and total memory loss in a stressful situation because at this moment you are supposed to be able to think straight, remain calm, take the can out of the holster attached your soaking wet pants, aim it with a steady hand, and - now get this part - WAIT! Yes, WAIT till the bear is about 15 feet away. A 1500 pound Grizzly going at 35 miles per hour with his mouth wide open is going to look like the entrance to a two car garage. With your wits about you and having mentally marked off where the 15 foot line would be in a split second, you deliver about a 5 second, red cloud blast of bear spray. Now stop...if you have done this correctly, you should be able to hear the brake pads of the bear's paws being applied to the dirt path and pine needles as he skids to a tire-screeching halt just in front of the puddle in which you will be standing. This red cloud is supposedly the same thing as a reinforced brick wall. If the bear begins another charge, then you lay out another five second cloud for him to think about. This next part is not in the directions, but right about then is when I would think that having two guns in two holsters is better than one, and I would be withdrawing the next can and flicking off the lid with my thumb right about then. In any case, according to the Park rangers and environmentalists who are going to haul you off to jail if you shoot a Grizzly, the bear spray will do the trick.

But after 30 years of seeing no bears, this guy I was telling you about that was fishing in the river and saw his casket coming toward him on four legs had no bear spray. So what did he do? Somewhere along the line, someone had passed down to him a tried and true method that in a dire emergency was supposed to be as effective as the Berlin Wall. It is called "The Bear Dance", and at that very moment he dropped everything he owned and employed it like he was Fred Astaire and Gene Kelly hand in hand going to town as if they were tap dancing on hot, molten lava. Now a normal person who would look up and see the world's largest bear boring down on him would think that racing through the woods at lightning, world record speed would be preferable to a very fast version of The Pony and The Mashed Potatoes right then. But that person would be wrong. No, what you must do - and you had better be dropping the fishing pole and be about doing it real fast - is the Bear Dance.

Now here is how the Bear Dance goes, as he described it to me. He said that there were effectively, logically, and logistically Two Parts to it. In the FIRST PART, you start jumping up and down as high and as fast as you can go and waving your arms and legs wildly and maniacally about like your hair is on fire. The idea here is to make yourself look as wide and as fierce as you can. Now this may be something that in some way you would probably do anyway to some extent as you lose complete control of yourself while trying to lighten your load and get the hell out of there. In the SECOND PART, you start screaming bloody murder at the top of your lungs. Again, it is probably unnecessary to even mention this point because you would probably be doing this too. You can yell and say whatever you want like, "Stop, you mangy %$#@", or growl and huff and puff, but one thing you want to make sure you do you is continue cursing and using the foul language you started with till you are hoarse. I hate to keep repeating myself, but that seems to me to be a rather needless admonition too, as that will probably be another thing that comes pretty naturally about then. My guess is that you would be spewing a wall of curse words that you suddenly remembered from high school or from what you heard other people saying at work. But for most people, it will more likely come from what they have practiced for many years.

In any case, those are the only two parts of the Bear Dance when done with all your might that are actually required to stop the bear. But most people also notice a THIRD PART that seems to involuntarily accompany the other two parts. This is not something you SHOULD do or would even WANT to do. In fact, if you had to call it up on command, you probably would not be ABLE to do it. But it just seems to be part of the whole experience. That is, you are likely to notice very strong and obnoxious bathroom odors emanating up around you. I don't know if these fresh, offensive scents will give the bear pause and be a part of the process that stops him like a train, but it certainly doesn't hurt. It has been effective in other situations.

If the bear should mount another charge, repeat all the above with even more intensity and determination. In the case of the man above, he said he felt like he was on American Bandstand. He had to do the Bear Dance about five times that day to get the bear to turn back completely. He would do a really fast and unrehearsed version of the Watusi like he was on Dancing With the Stars, and the bear would pause. Then the bear charged again, and the man resumed with a spectacular and somewhat abridged impression of the Charleston. Again the bear paused and then started in again. This time the man heard Alice Bridges singing "I love the nightlife, I love to boogie...", and he went totally berserk with a rendition of the Jitterbug, the Chicken Dance, and Stayin' Alive as if he were in a dance contest on Soul Train (try to picture this while he is screaming at the top of his lungs and using every four letter word he has ever heard) a third time and stopped the bear cold fifteen feet out. The bear then turned and walked away. He told me he could not talk for two days after that.

 

About the Author

Dale lives in the western part of the United States, is a motorcycle rider, a writer of humorous articles, caricatures, features, and theological studies that help people make sense of the most popular book in the world. His articles and writings may be seen at the web page below:

http://www.born2razehell.com

 

who was better fred astaire, bing crosby,gene kelly?

In dancing, I'd pick Fred Astaire first then Gene Kelly. Bing Crosby can only do the shuffle but he sure can croon.

I bet half the forum don't even know who these people are.

Fred Kelly
Rare Bird - Sympathy Top Of The Pops 70s Orginale Group

N01013439 High Noon Grace Kelly $28.34 Director: Zinnemann Fred. Runtime: 85. Actors: Mitchell Thomas Kelly Grace Bridges Lloyd Cooper Gary.

Kelly Hughes $62.13 High Quality Content by WIKIPEDIA articles Kelly Hughes (born 1970 in Winnipeg, Manitoba) is a Canadian arts promoter and former actor. As a child star, Hughes appeared on Lets Go from 19811983. He went on to tour with Vancouvers Pacific Theatre in 1991. Hughes created Aqua Books in 1999 to help promote arts and culture in Winnipeg. From there, he hosts Kelly Hughes Live , which has seen visits by writer Margaret Sweatman, comedian Kevin McDonald, childrens entertainer Fred Penner and actor/politician Tina Keeper. Author: Miller, Frederic P./ Vandome, Agnes F./ McBrewster, John Binding Type: Paperback Number of Pages: 60 Publication Date: 2011/01/18 Language: English Dimensions: 6.00 x 9.02 x 0.14 inches

Kelly $12.49 Kelly - Masterprint

Spiderman By Kelly, Joe/ Dematteis, J. M./ Van Lente, Fred/ Jimenez, Phil (ILT) $19.29 Years after the death of Kraven the Hunter, one of SpiderMans greatest enemies, his wife and daughter prepare to attempt an unholy resurrection. Author: Kelly, Joe/ Dematteis, J. M./ Van Lente, Fred/ Jimenez, Phil (ILT) Series Title: SpiderMan (Graphic Novels) Subtitle: Grim Hunt Publication Date: 2011/03/16 Number of Pages: 168 Binding Type: Paperback Language: English Depth: 0.50 Width: 6.00 Height: 10.00

Fred $12 "Fred Dibnah's World" celebrates the life and work of Britain's best known steeplejack and national treasure, Fred Dibnhah. Before his death in 2004, Fred presented many popular series, including Magnificent Monuments, The Age of Steam and Made in Britain, all of which attracted viewers in their millions. "Fred" is the companion to the 12-part "BBC2" series celebrating the life of this great man, which combines highlights from some of Dibnah's classic programmes with previously unseen footage. The book can of course go much further than the series, including an extraordinarily account of Fred's childhood which evokes a lost England and our great industrial heritage. Fred's passion for the glories of the Victorian age and his fascination with the landscape he grew up in, plus his admiration for the craftsmen and labourers who made it all possible, captivate us on every page. Fred is the personification of everything that made England great in the first place. And, this is a glorious tribute to a man whom millions came to love.

Phil Mickelson and the 10 Most Fan-Friendly Golfers on the PGA Tour

Today, the PGA Tour is starving for Tiger Woods to return to greatness.

In 2010 he's had the toughest time of his entire career with his game, missing cuts and not winning tournaments.

As much the tens of the millions across the world still love Tiger, one thing he's never been is fan-friendly.

Now that we know what kind of man Woods really is, it makes us look at these players in a new light and respect the guys who really care for the fans—the most fan-friendly golfers on the PGA Tour…

 

10. Stewart Cink

Nothing in particular sticks out about Stewart Cink in terms of being a fan-friendly golfer, but the way he goes about his business on the golf course makes it easy for us all to relate to the 37-year-old.

He's relatively quiet on the course but shows emotion to the fans in the most critical times—when he makes a big putt or hits a tight approach.

Cink is well-spoken and realizes that the fans have made the game of golf grow exponentially during his time on tour.

9. Bubba Watson

The self-taught Watson has recently become a fan favorite due to his free swing that launches the ball into orbit and the way he interacts with the fans.

You see, Watson wasn't one of these holier-than-thou child prodigies that was patted on the back throughout his childhood as he moved up the amateur ranks.

He played at Faulkner State Community College in Alabama before moving on to the University of Georgia, where he led the Bulldogs to an SEC Championship in 2000.

Watson stays true to his roots in Bagdad, Florida and wears a constant smile while strolling the fairways each weekend.

A real down-to-earth kind of guy.

8. Woody Austin

Woody Austin has been rather invisible following his second-place finish in the 2007 PGA Championship, but we know Woody as a player the fans love.

He scrambles his way around the golf course and wears his emotions on his sleeve. We've seen him overjoyed in triumph and completely agitated in failure, and we like that.

Austin is always one to tip the cap to the crowd and throw a ball to his fans after his round's complete.

Another guy to whom golf fans around the country can relate.

7. Rich Beem

The 2002 PGA Championship winner is another blast from the past for most golf fanatics out there but certainly is a name we still remember vividly.

Who can forget the dance he did when he tapped in for his first and only major victory after holding off Tiger Woods at Hazeltine?

That tells it all.

He's always had quite the relationship with the fans because he knows what it's like to be on the other side of the ropes—Beem worked as a cell-phone salesman before his major title.

6. Fred Funk

The straight-driving Fred Funk has been fan-friendly and a fan favorite for years on the PGA Tour.

Fans are drawn to the workmanlike way he scores on the golf course.

He comes off as a pretty normal guy that just happens to have a silky-smooth swing with no troubles rolling the ball with his flat stick.

Funk could be fan-friendly because he spent time as the University of Maryland golf coach, and he takes kindly to the people who root for him each week.

5. John Daly

John Daly makes this list because of his similarity to the average golf fan.

He's been overweight, has struggled as a husband, and has had to fight off the bottle on more than one occasion.

Outside of his "problems," Daly is a genuine, nice person who never shies away from handing a kid an autograph or entertaining the fans with a few witty comments.

Daly closely resembles you and I more than any other athlete we've seen in quite some time, maybe ever.

4. Fred Couples

Fred Couples is the perfect example of how fan-friendliness can translate into becoming a fan favorite.

This Seattle native is beloved wherever he travels across the nation, and his next-door-neighbor demeanor is what really hits home with fans.

He's been a staple on the PGA Tour since 1980, and his consistent play along with his cordial way with the fans before, during, and after his rounds make Couples one of the most fan-friendly golfers out there today.

3. Jerry Kelly

Talk about someone who walks the course free of arrogance.

Jerry Kelly seems to be one of the select group of golfers today that don't let the wealth go to their heads.

I attended the 2003 PGA Championship at Oak Hill in Rochester, NY and recall Kelly signing autographs between holes. That showed me the dedication to his legion of followers.

Kelly's the type of man I wish all tour players would emulate—happy-go-lucky, never in a sour mood.

After all, these guys are playing golf for a living.

Solid golfer, even better guy.

2. Rocco Mediate

The 2008 U.S. Open, for me, was the most memorable stretch of golf I've ever witnessed.

The average Joe Rocco Mediate went birdie for birdie with the Goliath, Tiger Woods, and didn't break a sweat.

It's not only his supreme courage that fans love.

It's the fact that throughout his roller-coaster career, Mediate has kept the fans toward the front of his mind and has thankfully rewarded his surprisingly big fanbase with continual laughs.

1. Phil Mickelson

Usually when professionals reach the top of their sport, egos become larger than the athlete himself.

Not for Phil Mickelson—not even close.

He's remained humble on his journey to the pinnacle of the golf world and constantly flashes smiles to the enormous army of patrons who follow him at each tournament.

We see him signing gloves for people he's struck on errant tee shots and always giving back to the community through his Phil Mickelson foundation.

Forget how fine of a golfer Mickelson is. He's truly a class act and is a fan favorite for good reason—he's simply a friendly guy.

 

Want to read more golf information please give attention to http://www.wowgolfclubs.com/blog.

www.wowgolfclubs.com suplies name brand Golf Clubs, if you want to buy Discount Golf Clubs and Cheap Golf Clubs.

About the Author

this is the very online golf shop you should go and get the Cheapest Golf for Sale.

Essential George Gershwin $9.93 Given his seemingly effortless ability at melding such disparate forms as jazz and gospel with his own rare melodic gifts, it's not hard to view George Gershwin as America's first classical crossover artist. But as this glorious, 41-track double-disc introduction to Gershwin's epochal repertoire quickly demonstrates, that assessment woefully shortchanges the sheer grandeur of "Rhapsody in Blue" or...

Daddy Long Legs $9.45 Lavish, dance-filled extravaganza starring Leslie Caron as a French orphan whose schooling is sponsored by an anonymous American millionaire, played by Fred Astaire. The millionaire's secretary persuades her boss to visit the girl, and romance soon blooms. Terry Moore, Thelma Ritter co-star; songs include "Something's Got to Give." 126 min. Widescreen (Enhanced); Soundtracks: English Dolby Digital...

Nu Nation Project $5.04 For a man who puts his trust in God, Kirk Franklin certainly seems defensive on the opening "interlude" of Nu Nation Project, which depicts criticism of his controversial hip-hop-tinged gospel as a court trial complete with urgent reporters outside the courthouse. The message, fortunately, quickly moves from Franklin's own problems to those of the world--which, notably, the star refuses to ignore ...

Godzilla $9.99 ...

Xanadu [VHS] $1.46 A wimpy remake of an already anemic movie (the 1947 Rita Hayworth vehicle Down to Earth), this glitzy musical from 1980 improbably stars Olivia Newton-John as a heavenly muse sent here to help open a roller-derby disco. Gene Kelly is mixed up in this well-meaning but goofy effort to fuse nostalgia with late-'70s glitter-ball trendiness, and he looks just plain silly. Directed by Robert Greenwald, ...

Fred Kelly